Junky To Funky
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    Jackmove_Sucka

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    Life and near-DEATH

    No problem your majesty...

    So there I was sweating bullets! WONDERING....PRAYING that someone would show up and save my drooping worthless butt. And then like a ray of hope Zoomer_McTraveller appeared. He said "Hey Jack." That man is just so casual in the face of undeniable terrifying power.

    It was apparent Mystical_Moon_Chic left us to die like a couple chickens in the middle of a roundabout during heavy traffic. But even with my last breaths I wouldn't curse her majesty's name. I knew she must have been enthralled in a most puzzling dilemma to leave a wee child of 24 and Zoomer all by their lonesome to stare upon the infinite event horizon of certain death!

    The battle began with a click on the left mouse button and already my forehead and nether regions were moistening like a turkey cooking in the oven.

    Zoomer began by sending out his trusty lame-wad of a sidekick to go fluff the pillow of the first opponent. I stood aghast at his bold stupidity as he cheerfully added "target practice." My hands burned at the urge to slap the acne cream off his arrogant mug, but the certain 1 hit death retaliation stayed my hand.

    I'll write some more once I get some more responses ... positive or negative.

    (Does anyone want to hear the rest of the story on page 1? I'll continue it once I get a good deal of negative or positive responses. 1 - No, 10 - Kiss me and continue you literary master!, 2 - Your story is dull and witless, much like you. and 8 - Sure)

    Part 2:
    In spirit, I leaped into battle, to make up for Zoomer's baby powered throttling, and because there wasn't really any animation. I sliced viciously with my +5 vorpal flaming Urbosaber.

    Urbosaber: +5 Vorpal, Flaming (3d6 fire) Urbosaber (1d2 +5 to hit and dam)

    My enemies head literally jumped free from its neck based prison and soared gracefully through the air. A burrito, it had been eating, came out in chunks from the throat of the now bloody stump of a neck. The burrito was surprised as it touched the open air and not the digestive stomach acids it was sure to encounter.

    The head landed cleanly at my feet and began to gnaw franticly on my ankle.
    I tapped my heels together and said "There's nothing like barbecue." At the secret vocal command fire erupted from my rocket boots toasting its face nicely. I was pleased that I could give him a glimpse of his eternity before the last flicker of life left his eye.

    Zoomer praised my accomplishments "Nice Jack." He's a master poet in the art of simplistic accolades.

    Beads of sweat began to form and hang daintily off each individual armpit hair as I waited for the enemy to claw his poorly drawn meat hooks across ... Zoomer's smug mug ... yeah.

    A mighty swipe sent a torrent of air across the battlefield blowing me hard against the discotheque wall. The hate filled hand of the enemy cut viciously at Zoomer. Its mighty pinky finger caught the edge of Zoomer's face and danced gracefully across it leaving behind a thin red trail of blood.

    Will Zoomer attack with his patented lameness power again? Will Jack have time to change his adult diapers? Will we finally discover what and how many enemies our heroes are fighting? ...

    NO

    Well...maybe next episode. Until then super friends drink your ovaltine!

    (Must the show go on? Part 3 of the story on page 1? I'll continue it once I get a good deal of negative or positive responses. 2 - No, 11 - Kiss me and continue you literary master!, 3 - Your story is dull and witless, much like you. and 11 - Sure.)

    THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

    Part 3!!!! (The conclusion ... maybe)
    Zoomer's face remained expressionless, yes because he has no facial animation, and because he's tough like a like a cannon that shoots out professional body builders made of steel!

    The enemy and I watched in amazement as a little red -1 floated out of Zoomer's head. I thought to myself he must be a total weirdo like I'd always imagined but then again with great power comes, uh, little numbers floating out of your head.

    The enemy's turn had ended and the ball bounced happily back into Zoomer's court. A cool look came over his face as he raised his Urbosaber HIGH into the air. Lightning cracked behind him, pedestrians stopped in their tracks and looked on squinting at the brilliance, the world stopped spinning and for a brief second the whole world stood still together forever bound in the eternal vastness of a cosmic singularity.

    Then Zoomer like totally smashed the hell outta that guy! One blow tore his skin completely off sending it flying through the air like a cloth caught in a tsunami. Stuck in the flames of the Urbosaber organs burst and char to a fine crisp. Even the eyes tore free from their sockets and jumped to freedom rolling safely across the discotheque floor. One eye turned to the other and said "Man did you see that we almost got totally scorched by the freak with the flaming sword!" The other replied "Snibity dibity Dawg!"

    Blood shot all around like some kind of laugh inspiring sprinkler system, a big -340 jumped out of the skeleton and the body turned kinda translucent. Yeah, uh, nothing made sense anymore ... so I walked over and searched through the bodies pockets for a wallet or maybe an expensive watch to sell at the Pawn Shop.

    Well kids ... that's the end of this here story. In the end I came up with 250 urbos and told Zoomer they didn't have anything. He said "That's weird, no money huh, well do they at least have any TP?" I searched and found some, I handed it over, and he took it and went to use the bathroom.

    And THAT is how I almost got murdered by 2 henchlings ... and Mystical_Moon_Chic didn't help us AND Zoomer saved me ... yeah ... so now you can go home. Thanks for coming out!