Tea Totalitarianism
Many weeks ago, there existed a kingdom of nobility, justice, peace and sustainably-low consumer prices. This place of serene tranquility was known as The Kingdom of Nobility, Justice, Peace, and Sustainably-Low Consumer Prices, or The Kingdom of Blahblahblah for short. Almost everyone in the Kingdom of Blahblahblah was happy. Except for Hobbes. Hobbes, lowest common denominator among the high-brow citizens, worked at the Blahblahblah Peanut Production and Packaging Plant, making all peanuts produced peanut-free for the nut-sensitive. But no one cared about Hobbes or his happiness. Not even his mom, who kept him around to fix up the house and junk and stuff.
Unfortunately for The Kingdom of Blahblahblah, the infamous Tea Totalitarianism Party turned their tea-totting saucers and cups upon the citizens, overtaking the empire. Quickly, their herbal evil spilled out upon the land, like some type of mildly-flavoured hot beverage, scalding brave knights or citizens who stood in their way. After the ruling family was thrown from power like a soggy tea bag, the Totalitarianists made the possession of coffee, cola and even water a crime punishable by TEA-ACUTION unless the water being possessed was in the form of tea.
The populace were turned into mindless slaves who worshiped, sacrificed, and drank tea in the name of tea, every tea-time of the day. The Blahblahblah Peanut Production and Packaging Plant was closed, being deemed a threat to the tea market, and Hobbes was laid off. Still not the sharpest cookie in the hamper but not oblivious to the tea tyranny, Hobbes knew he had to do something. He borrowed his mom's new Tea Machine, put the kettle to the metal and boiled away from the Kingdom of Blahblahblah with a full head of steam.
Many horribly-spelled drive-thrus later, Hobbes arrived at Urbanville. He quickly saw the naive city - oblivious to the dangers of Tea Totalitarianism - as a peaceful escape from the evils of the mildly-caffeinated world. Yes, Urbanville was a safe and cozy place. Except for all the beatings and moonings by Henchlings. He quickly made it his mission, after mailing away for money from mom, to try and defend this innocent metropolis from to horrors that threaten to gush into its very existence.
Hobbes is currently a self-employed loafer who paroozes around the streets of Urbanville with Simon his kleptomanic Flingo-friend. Together they combat the injustice of 24-hour restaurants closing early in Mommy Hobbes' old station wagon, Naked Thunder. Always brush your teeth and um ... watch out for tea-totalers. Teetotalers are fine.
The End. Maybe. I think.
